I think the best place to begin the details of this memory would be to mention my in-laws treadmill. I average 20 miles a week on my treadmill at home. My running friends think I'm crazy. But that's another story. Anyway. My in-laws treadmill is nicer than mine. Or at least newer. The incline feature works on theirs. So during our visit I was taking advantage of the opportunity to get in some nice "hill" workouts in prep for Hood To Coast. Logged 5 miles of "hills" Friday morning.
As the day went on, my entire abdomen started to feel sore and tight. I get sore abs from running sometimes. This soreness felt different and more widespread. But I assumed it was cause I was running that incline that I wasn't used to. So I went about my day, sore or not. I pulled weeds in my inlaws garden for a couple of hours. (I actually find weed-pulling very enjoyable and therapeutic.) There were a couple of times where I would stand up after crouching for a long time and my vision would get all cloudy. But nothing I hadn't experienced before. So I thought nothing of it.
That night, my love and I went out to dinner. Really "sore abs" still a bothersome companion. I actually commented to him, "I feel like my insides are getting all squished." Little did I know, that's what was actually happening!
That night as I crawled into bed, not only were my "abs" painfully sore, but my shoulder started to hurt too. (Come to find out that was yet another symptom I was ignoring.) With some additional blankets I made myself as comfortable as I could and went to sleep.
I usually do my running at 5am, so I my body wakes up early out of habit. I got up to go to the bathroom and started feeling really weird. My skin felt hot and cold at the same time. My hearing went all funny. I could hear everything less, yet I could hear more loud background noise. I decided to wash my hands as quick as I could so I could get back to my love. I don't remember turning the water off. The next thing I knew I was laying on my back in the hallway. I don't know exactly how the fall came about. But my nose still hurts to touch and I have a small bruise on my knee. Anyway, needless to say we decided a trip to the emergency room was in order.
The hospital closest to my inlaws is a smaller hospital. They were able to determine that I was pregnant. (I had no idea.) But they didn't have a ultra sound available on the weekends so I had to go to a different hospital.
Once I got there it was determined that all that "sore abs" was really internal bleeding (that had been going on for who knows how long!) and that they would need to to do laparoscopic surgery to find and stop the cause.
Once inside they found a tubal pregnancy. My tube had not ruptured but the pregnancy had already failed and was causing all the bleeding.
Waking up from surgery sucked. I felt like crap. And all I had was a little laparoscopic surgery. I can't even fathom poor people who have major open surgery. Man!
Now apparently under some circumstances, one could go home the same day. The doctor who performed the procedure was surprised that I was still there the next day. But all that internal bleeding had kicked my butt. After the surgery, I couldn't stand up to go to the bathroom without turning white as a ghost and blacking out. So I had to stay overnight. I told my love I wanted him to go back to his folks house, get a shower and sleep in a bed. But I also had been crying at random increments for no apparent reason and bless his heart he stayed with me. My prince charming slept on a fold up foam pad on the hospital floor. That's true love right there. I did improve enough to go back to my inlaws the next day. But just eating dinner that night was exhausting and I gave up half way and went to bed.
We rested a a full day before making the trip home. I was stressing about traveling with my girls. Dealing with rest stops and helping my 3yr old and things like that. But it went really well. We pushed on through and only stopped at the half way point of our 7 hour journey. And I didn't even feel all that tired.
Since I've been home it's been my own little mini rollercoaster. Sometimes I feel fine enough, other times I feel SO TIRED. Plus a little random crying for no reason. Fun times.
It all feels so foreign to me. I'm usually such a "go go go," "push push push," "do do do," "work work work" "run 10 miles," "sleep is optional" person. Now I just sit here a lot, and try to wrap my head around it. And the thought of walking around the block sounds overwhelming and exhausting let alone RUN a mile. Which is so weird to me.
But I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm not even really in pain. I'm not sure what to do with myself, but I am blessed.
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