James 1:5 - Written Down

It was our turn to speak in church last week.  I shared an experience as part of my talk.  It's a piece of my testimony I want to have written down somewhere.

I put on weight after the twins were born.  When they first came home from the hospital I was kind of in survival mode.  If I happened upon a moment when both babies were fed, clean, and happy, I would grab something to eat real quick cause I didn't know when my next chance would come.   This was a necessary survival technique at first.  But the older they got, the more often they had moments of contentment.  Yet I continued with my "eat while you can" habit I had developed.  Eventually, my clothes no longer fit.  I've watched family members struggle with health complications related to their weight.  I became really worried about the weight I had gained and decided to try and do something about it. 

I ate less and exercised.  But didn't see any results.  So I decided to eat even less and exercise for longer periods of time.  Still nothing to show for it.  Upped my efforts again.  Lowered my caloric intake and exercised for even longer.  Yet every time I got on the scale, I hadn't lost a thing.  Finally it got to the point that I was eating hardly anything and exercising all day long.  Still no weight loss.

I grew up being taught to pray.  But this was something I felt I couldn't pray about.  People in this world have real problems.  Like family members dieing from cancer.  Or needing to find a job to support their family.  How could I say, "Please help me lose some weight."  I felt my problem wasn't important and I needed to fight this battle on my own.  So I carried on.  All the while my routine was taking it's toll on my body and my mind.

Doing aerobic exercise videos all day long didn't seem to be doing me any good.  As I racked my brain for ideas on how to loose this weight, I had the thought, "Have you ever seen a fat runner?"  I decided to run.  I was going to run, and run, and run.  I only got off the treadmill long enough to feed my children.  And then I'd put on another Dora the Explorer and get back on and run some more. 

This carried on for a little while.  Until that poor cheep treadmill finally decided that I was putting it through more than it was ever designed to do, and broke.  I was devastated.  This was my last card.  I was out of ideas.  I was desperate.  I was worn out.  I was exhausted.  I was malnourished.  I was a mess.  I sobbed.  I thought this was the worst possible thing that could have happened.  But really, it was a blessing in disguise that needed to happen.

I remembered a very famous scripture.

James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let  him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 

I thought, just maybe, this scripture isn't just for Joseph Smith.  Maybe it can be for me too. 

I had finally gotten to a  point where I was humble enough to ask my Heavenly Father for help.  I told Him everything.  I told Him my fears.  I told Him how hard I had been trying.  I told  Him I didn't know what to do.  I told Him I didn't have the wisdom I needed to do what was so important to me.  And I asked Him to give me that wisdom.

After my prayer, I went out and sat on the couch.  Under that couch was a book I had bought for my sister.  I had planned on giving it to her as a gift.  I had never intended on reading it myself.  But that book had just the wisdom I needed.  I read the book and it helped me to understand that the human body was made to survive.  I was able to realize that what I had been putting myself through, was making my poor body think there was a terrible famine in the land and I must spend my day being chased by wild animals.  My body was in survival mode.  So what little I did eat, it was storing for later.  This was wisdom I didn't have.  This was wisdom I needed.  This was wisdom I asked God for.  This was wisdom He freely gave me.

Following the wisdom and guidance outlined in the book, I began to eat more again.  I was shocked at how I could eat and still loose the weight.  Receiving an answer to my problem didn't change the world.  And there will always be people with problems far bigger than mine.  But I learned that my Heavenly Father hears me.  I learned that He cares about me.  I learned that He will help me if I am humble enough to ask.